James Donaldson on Mental Health - When Siblings Won't Stop Fighting

Tootle, don’t tattle Another way to create a more positive social dynamic is to celebrate tootling rather than tattling .

Lee describes, is calling someone out for positive behavior.

So for example, encourage your kids to come and tell you when their sibling shares a toy or demonstrates kindness, then make a big deal out of the positive actions of both children.

Depending on your family culture you may want to start a penny jar that gets them pizza night when it’s full, or have some other means of documenting all the good deeds.

If you take something away, give it back Even with all this in place, there are going to be times when the kids are playing tug of war with a toy and it feels like the only way to intervene is to remove the source of conflict.

Lee says that it’s totally fine to do that, but to make sure you give the toy back to them within a few minutes and give them a chance to practice using it appropriately — otherwise they aren’t really learning how to work collaboratively.

This may mean getting them to agree to taking turns with the help of a timer then praising them when they do a good job.

Forget fair “That’s not fair!” is a common cry of children of all ages, and it’s easy for parents to get caught up in making sure that everything is on even footing between siblings.

Lee points out, life isn’t fair and it’s not realistic that every single thing in the home be equal at all times.

The older kid may get to stay up later, and while the younger kid may feel that this is a great injustice, “it’s up to the culture of your family and what you’re comfortable with,” she says.