James Donaldson on Mental Health - Navigating the Challenges of Stepfamily Life

The complex role of a stepparent It’s important for a biological parent to be aware that their spouse might feel ambivalent, left out, or overlooked in their role as a stepparent and to back them up so they don’t feel taken for granted or unappreciated.

Discussing the role a stepparent will play in raising their new spouse’s children, as well as changes in household rules and routines, can help couples to build a strong family bond.

In Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships , Patricia L.

Papernow explains that it’s common for stepparents to feel like an “outsider” in their own home.

Many stepparents react by doing their own thing while their partner spends time with the kids.

If both partners are parents who respond by spending more time with their biological kids and less time with their stepkids, this tendency toward separation in the stepfamily increases.

If an us-and-them scenario develops, it will undermine the family and the remarried couples’ relationship.

When this happens, it can chisel away at the closeness of the remarried couple who stop spending time alone together and as a family.

If they haven’t established a strong connection, are unprepared to deal effectively with conflict, and lack the tools to repair daily breakdowns in communication, couples may end up pointing fingers at one another rather than being supportive with that sense of solidarity, of “we’re in this together.” Differing from a biological parent, a major thrust of being a stepparent is to be a friend or mentor to their stepchild on some level.

Not like a school friend, but an adult friend more akin to being a guidance counselor and a positive role model rather than a disciplinarian.