James Donaldson on Mental Health - Is It Tattling or Telling?

A child who has been drilled to follow rules takes them very seriously, leading them to tattling on friends and siblings no matter how minor the misbehavior.

However, there are some simple ways to help your child understand the difference between tattling and alerting a grown-up when an important rule is being broken.

Understand the difference Tattling is reporting a peer’s wrongdoing, when the situation is safe and the child can handle it themselves.

Telling is alerting adults that the situation is not safe and/or your child needs help managing the situation.

Tattling to get a peer in trouble can be mean-spirited.

Telling to protect a peer from harm is civic-minded or showing concern for others.

Give children tools and words Children may be able to solve a minor problem themselves if they can identify the problem and use their words effectively to express their frustrations.

As tattling/telling situations arise, talk through the moment with your child and help them figure out ways to approach a similar situation in the future.

For example, if your child is being rushed at the water fountain, they can say, “It’s my turn” to the child who is being impatient.

If someone calls their friend an unkind name, they can say, “That’s my friend.