James Donaldson on Mental Health - Parenting Through Depression

Discussing your depression with your children When a parent is struggling, it’s often helpful for a child to have an age-appropriate explanation.

Even young children can tell when a grown up is dealing with depression, even if they don’t understand it or have the words to describe it.

Cruz describes her daughter’s experience: “Once she got to six or seven, she’d begin to notice my energy shift.

She’d realize something was wrong because I’d gravitate towards my room.” New York City-based therapist Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC, points out, “It’s critical to remember that children are incredibly perceptive, and talking comfortably is essential.” He recommends having age-appropriate conversations.

“The conversations should largely depend on the kid and developmental level.

For instance, it might be appropriate for younger children to just share that the parent isn’t feeling well and has a condition that affects their mind and makes them more tired than they might look.” It’s also important to emphasize that the parent’s feelings aren’t the child’s fault, since young children in particular tend to blame themselves for problems around them.

For Cruz, part of dealing with depression is being honest with her daughter about what she is experiencing.

They have mental health check-ins twice a week, and her daughter participates, expressing her own concerns when she has them.

They both try to be as descriptive as possible.

When Cruz’s son is old enough to understand and articulate his feelings, she intends to bring him into the conversations as well.