James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Help Kids Who Are Too Hard on Themselves

What parents can do to help Here are some ways to free children from negative thinking and steer them away from destructive self-talk: Listen and validate It can be tempting to ignore it when a kid first expresses negative feelings, but Dr.

Busman says she “would recommend never just brushing off those kinds of comments, even if they’re kind of silly or not based in any reality.” Instead, offer a safe place for your child to come with concerns and try to find out what is going on.

Offer a realistic approach Both Dr.

Brown advise against battling critical self-talk with overly optimistic “positive thinking,” and recommend a more realistic approach.

So if a child says they’re sure no one will talk to them on their first day at a new school, you don’t want to say, “The first day of school is going to be great and you’re going to make a million friends.” Instead, you might offer: “The first day of school might be a bit scary, but as you settle in you will likely make friends and grow to love it.” Put it in context Dr.

Brown notes that adults can help by talking with kids in a way that “contextualizes their experience” and offers a “broader perspective.” Help them identify specifically what upset them, she explains, or made them make such a self-critical statement, and acknowledge that one bad experience doesn’t equate being the worst at something.

Model realistic and positive self-talk Try to stop saying self-critical things about yourself, too.

Don’t fixate on mistakes you’ve made, or worry out loud about your weight .

We want to model positive self-esteem for our children.

Busman also suggests offering stories from your own life to relate to your child.